I think that the ability to distinguish between things we can control and things we cannot control is fundamental. People who worry too much about things out of their control are deemed to be unhappy.
Focusing on things that do depend on us and putting all energy into them gives a better mental balance and more sense of fairness. Assuming that if something does not work as we wished - is due to our own mistakes and laziness rather than an unfair and bad world around us is so much better than being a ‘victim’ of external factors. This is because everything what we do by ourselves we can better control and therefore change, while the external factors are very hard or impossible to change.
This however requires some courage and discipline. Courage, because taking responsibility for our own actions as being the main factors deciding about the quality of our life and looking into ourselves to admit our own laziness or other mistakes is not easy and comfortable. Discipline, because admitting that our condition depends on us has a consequence that we also need to admit that to live better we need to put some effort into it.
Analysing our own flaws and mistakes in a constructive manner is something what is not easy and quick to learn. It is not about blaming ourselves and feeling guilty but rather calmly analysing what we are doing, the consequences of it and how it could be improved in a way that is feasible for us to implement. This is often discussed in sport psychology, when coaches recommend that our internal voice should be friendly and positive, such as we would not be ashamed if it would be put on a megaphone (I cannot remember where I heard that quote, but I think it is an amazing description on how we should conduct our internal dialogue).
It is so much easier to just sit on the coach with a cup of ice-cream and say that we were not lucky. In these way we free ourselves from the necessity to work harder or think harder. In short term it is pleasant but long term it brings terrible consequences.
Lack of effort makes us weaker, not only physically. Mentally or intellectually we also get weaker over time if we do not put active effort to shape things around us and ourselves.
Modern society gives us an option for a very easy life of instant food, cheap entertainment and we do not really need to fight that much to have a roof above our heads. Therefore, we can choose a path of minimal effort and when frustration comes, we can perhaps increase sugar intake or find some other consolation and do nothing else than just complain about the external factors which impedes our path for better circumstances. Or just to relief a bit the frustration by complaining with politics, other people opinions and behaviours, weather, or something else which is neither our fault neither could be changed by us.
It is foolish to expect that we can change the world for a better place by enforcing things which do not depend on us. If we try to take control of uncontrollable things – it is like trying to ride a car with a closed eyes – a guarantee of failure.
I think it is so much better and healthy to accept the fact that most of the things are out of our control and the world outside is complex. So, if we try to understand every detail, we will only get exhausted. Seeking power on others is toxic. Complaining is pointless. So, putting too much attention to things which do not depend on us makes us miserable, tired, and annoying to others.
It takes time but it is extremely liberating experience to take responsibility for everything that happens around us and to focus on how we can change it with our own action. It helps to shift the energy into things which really have a potential to change something in our circumstances.
I think it is good to reflect on what really depends on us (our own actions) and put these things into our focus.
· Healthy lifestyle · Work · Optimism · Being kind
What is in our focus we can, and we should control. If we understand well what we are doing and its consequences, we can aim for improvement if some results do not meet our expectations.
On the other hand, it is good to accept that everything else is a mess, which we cannot control, we can only adapt to it or avoid all the things which are outside our control.
I believe this is the surest way to make the world a better place, but also to make our life just better for ourselves. Of course, we can rely on external factors (like other people’s actions), and we may get lucky, but who knows if this will happen? If we focus on what we can do in every situation, this is not about luck anymore, but we rather train ourselves to create situations which lead us to results we wanted as well as to prepare and respond better for anything what we meet on our way.
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